keep your eyes open

Wow, can't believe the Sec 4s are stepping down and my batch is stepping up.
When I was sec 1 and sec 2, it always seemed like everything would go okay cause the sec 3s knew everything.
But now that's US!
Especially worried for JTC.
6 batches of seniors coming back to torture us?!
Nuuuu.

Another thing is Council.
I have to start figuring out who is in Social.
Me? Social Head?! :O
I only know 3 people in Social! :/
Nerve wrecking aaaahhhh

Losing myself

I feel like I'm losing myself
Who I am, what I hold dear, what my values are.
Who am I anymore?

Worst part is acting and lashing out at friends that I hold dear and constantly whining at them
One day they'll get tired of me.

Gracia snap out of it.

At least 3 people have asked me if I'm disappointed.
Would you like me to break down in front of you in order to show you how I feel about this whole thing?

I'm somebody that I used to know.

hush now

So. Today the posts were given out (somewhat).
Alvina is chair, keziah and charm are vice chair.
Not really sure how I feel about it.
At first it was like.. ._.
but now i'm more chilled i guess.

View point 1:
WTH why them and not me do I not put in the same amount if not more effort than them do I not deserve this less than them? Charmaine will just be a dictator and alvina a control freak while keziah the "i dont care" type.
View point 2:
YAY! So happy for them, Alvina has wanted the post of Chairperson since the start of this year and I'm really happy for her! So what if I didn't get it, its not about positions at all Gracia! It's about the impact you leave on your juniors (:

The 'right' attitude would be view point 2 right. But it's all a joke you see. Just a facade. No one really really doesn't care about positions and is just a happy lark. That's all bullocks. No matter how "I don't care about this!" you say, you really do care.

Do I want to sound like a whiny girl who doesn't get what she wants and just put in all that effort just to become Chairperson? No. Does it sound that way to me? Yes. This is bullocks.

Honestly, the disappointment cuts deep. I can't lie and say I'm okay with Alvina being chair and kez and charm being vice. It hurts. Am I in any way inferior to them? I hate this feeling that I have, that feeling of A) Disappointment B) Anger C) Inferiority D) Disgust with myself for even feeling this way and being so superficial.

That tiny part of my brain tells me "So what Gracia, suck it up" while the other part is screaming "be sad for once! Be depressed, be angry. Who gives a shit anyway! They don't like you anyway!"

Maybe for once I'll listen to the screaming voice I try to oppress whenever something bad happens.

I ain't even gonna lie. Unappreciated and forever inferior. That's life.

ohmygoshhh

History memorised, RCY stuff all ironed out and all by 7:10!

All i have to do now is read Lit and memorise quotes and shizz and im done for the day! Yeeehaawwwww

This is amazing first time this week I'm not panicking.

Might even have time to pack bag for Thailand! Hurhur

pretty much how i feel right now :')

my head is mush

mush is my head

i can already feel the exhaustion that is going to come like a tsunami.

watched a documentary of it and it scared the heebeejeebeezz of out me.

gracia you got yourself into this, get out of it!

okay, quit everything hurhur

i can now safely add Church to my list of leadership commitments. Yipeeeee

In tsunamis, the initial wave is low and receding, which led people to think it was safe to come out. After that, the huge wave just rushed in and killed everyone cause the first wave created a smooth layer for the second to cause mass destruction.

Currently going through the initial wave.

-spaazzzz-

yellow diamonds in the sky

Sunday night, monday tomorrow :<

Looking forward to wednesday! :D

5 tests this week, then chem next next week and tests are over (Thank God)
Quite excited for Thailand :D

This post is for my darling spoon, Claire (:

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ROAARRR

other than..

i love you :D

I just had a realization.

What am I doing with my life?

All I live for is studying and slogging through school as I study hard for tests.

Do the tests, get them back, get grades, what's next?

Shouldn't teenage years be the best of your life?

What happened to YOLO? (You only live once)

My life revolves around CCA and School.

Not even God. CCA has taken over my Saturdays.

How many times can I say I have been to cell/service this year?

Feel so flustered now.

Every weekend is spent either A) Studying for tests or B) CCA

Isn't life supposed to be fun and free?

I need to live.

Like truly live.

Go out and live!

/rage/

/aahhh/

Bio test and lit test tmorrow but im like ah meh.