hush now

So. Today the posts were given out (somewhat).
Alvina is chair, keziah and charm are vice chair.
Not really sure how I feel about it.
At first it was like.. ._.
but now i'm more chilled i guess.

View point 1:
WTH why them and not me do I not put in the same amount if not more effort than them do I not deserve this less than them? Charmaine will just be a dictator and alvina a control freak while keziah the "i dont care" type.
View point 2:
YAY! So happy for them, Alvina has wanted the post of Chairperson since the start of this year and I'm really happy for her! So what if I didn't get it, its not about positions at all Gracia! It's about the impact you leave on your juniors (:

The 'right' attitude would be view point 2 right. But it's all a joke you see. Just a facade. No one really really doesn't care about positions and is just a happy lark. That's all bullocks. No matter how "I don't care about this!" you say, you really do care.

Do I want to sound like a whiny girl who doesn't get what she wants and just put in all that effort just to become Chairperson? No. Does it sound that way to me? Yes. This is bullocks.

Honestly, the disappointment cuts deep. I can't lie and say I'm okay with Alvina being chair and kez and charm being vice. It hurts. Am I in any way inferior to them? I hate this feeling that I have, that feeling of A) Disappointment B) Anger C) Inferiority D) Disgust with myself for even feeling this way and being so superficial.

That tiny part of my brain tells me "So what Gracia, suck it up" while the other part is screaming "be sad for once! Be depressed, be angry. Who gives a shit anyway! They don't like you anyway!"

Maybe for once I'll listen to the screaming voice I try to oppress whenever something bad happens.

I ain't even gonna lie. Unappreciated and forever inferior. That's life.