Mum made Ikea meatballs and I was SO looking forward to eating it with the sauce but when I reached home and opened all the saucepans, all I saw was a crap load of tomato sauce and I was confused.
Then my mum told me she actually made pasta with the tomato base and she made the meatballs so we could put it with the pasta.
Dinner=ruined.
It's not that I hate tomato base pasta (hate it), it is just that I very much prefer cream base pasta, which I'm sure my mum didn't know.
Thinking about it and painfully eating the pasta mouthful by mouthful as my mum put more sauce on my plate made me think that this is exactly how my first week of academic school has been.
So you see, it is like a pasta competition.
All the chefs, ranging from super good, to can't even boil water, are going to take part in it.
The end goal is for all chefs to get a good rating, and they have mentors pushing them towards this goal.
The chefs are told, study hard study hard this is THE year of the competition and don't you want to do well?
They even send the chefs for viewing of the judging for the previous batch of chefs.
Watching the chefs which tried so hard, fail under the judging made chef gracia so scared of failure that the only motivation for her to work towards that pasta competition, was the fear of failure.
Her mentors continued pushing her and her culinary class towards making that perfect pasta, yet all she felt was that the culinary gods were just dumping more and more dreaded tomato sauce on her plate and that she was the only one gorging it down while everyone happily took it in.
The fear of failure overwhelmed chef gracia as she felt so lost and hopeless in every class, that no matter how many times she read how pasta is made, she could only memorise "put pasta in boiling water for 2 mins", without actually understanding why.
Memorising was easy for chef gracia, yet all she felt was just a sense of hopelessness as she continued and forced herself to study, planning her days to study all the best culinary cookbooks.
Yet, whenever she touched or opened one of these cookbooks, all she felt was this irrational fear and a wave of emotions coming over her, wanting to consume her and make her crawl into a corner.
Chef gracia could already picture herself being one of the chefs who failed miserably in the judging, with all her hardwork turning into dry pasta and stale sauce.
Chef gracia continued to push herself to persevere, yet this was definitely not the type of meatballs she had expected when she excitedly took on the challenge of this competition.
Chef gracia just wanted to quit and cry and sleep and not even try, for trying for the sake of the fear of failure was as good as not trying at all.
What happened to all the motivation that chef gracia felt when making pizza the previous year?
The process of learning how to make the perfect pizza was so enjoyable for her, as she eagerly read through all the books and made notes.
yet now, all she felt was hopelessness and dread whenever she opened any of her books to learn the 'ways' to make the best pasta.
It's all a pasta competition.
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