She's never gonna love you like I want to

"If a double decker crashes into us

to die by your side

is such a heavenly way to die"

So, instead of studying for History, I've decided to reformat my blog and I'm really satisfied with how it turned out! (: Happygirl97

Catching teardrops with my hand

Hello. I'm currently walking to the library to meet Keziah. Thank God that I have 3G if not I'll look like a loner.
Little known fact about me: I seek security. Not like, physical security like having a bodyguard around though.
Security in the form of company? I'm not sure how to phrase it.. But it's kinda like I need friends around to feel safe?
When I'm alone I kind of feel vulnerable. Do you understand what I mean reader? :/

Anyway, enough of insecurities. Sooooo.. Yesterday was the NDP preview.
We had city march for the first time and at the end of our city march there was a brilliant fireworks display!
Gosh it was so beautiful that I couldn't concentrate on marching. I don't think anyone could..
Haha then we said the pledge together and sang the slow version of the national anthem. And while we were singing, there were fireworks in the background and gosh it was so picturesque.
Sounds cheeeeesy and patriotic, but it did make me feel proud to be a Singaporean. :O
I don't know how they manage to do it, but it worked.
Darn they are good.
Next week is the reception and after that is NDP and it'll be all over. ):
I think we've come a long way from the first training at Née Soon Camp.
From being TOTALLY clueless to knowing every part of the parade segment, even some of the commands, I think NDP has been a great journey.
Meeting great friends and not so great friends(bleh), I'm gonna miss everyone. ):

Alright. I'm done with my patriotic and sappy mood.
3 tests next week. Consecutively.. Not cool man not cool.
Not really prepared.. Most worried for English):
After failing the last test.. I'm really nervous. ;/

Keziah is here! I'll blog later(:

Semi-almost perfect day(:

Apologies for not blogging for like.. 5 days. Been pretty busy. And I mean it!

Lets see what I have missed.. Well, NDP NE show 3 was on Saturday.

Mum went, she said it was good. But I wouldn't know, I was in the reserve. Yupp! My FIRST TIME IN THE RESERVE :O

But it was pretty interesting actually.. The reserves got to eat the Old Chang Kee and drink the Milo from the Milo truck while the main contingent didnt. And we ate the extra free ice cream from dinner. Like, we finished the whole box :O Being in the reserve aint that bad :)

NDP Preview is on Saturday and before you know it.. It's 9th August!

I'm pretty nervous to march. I mean, what if I fumble and drop my flag? Hopefully that won't happen. *fingers crossed*

Kinda glad that NDP is over, I'll have my Saturdays back. Then again kinda sad.. Won't see my NDP pals anymore. And when we do it's prolly just gonna be really awkward. And if we ever hold outings like BBQs, only people like Lu Shi, Jia min and Brian will show up. Bleh.

Today was a relatively good day. :) Ended school on a high note cause we missed 3 periods due to this MOE survery. :) And I made it in time for the McValue meal! Except they gave me 3 drumlets and only 1 wing. That really tooted me off but I ate some cupcakes and now I'm much better. Hahaha and I've only got one homework today! An English Complaint Letter. Yay. I love writing. Today's pretty good. And my hair was really cooperative today! My bangs were nicely straight. Heheh *big smile* Usually it's a big mess and I just get really flustered and I just leave it all messed up but today it was nicely straight! Heheheh :D I've never felt more girly.

Really loving my new HTC phone. It's REALLY awesome. Downside is the battery. But other than that it's lovely! Ahhh I love it I wanna hug it but i don't wanna drop it. Meh. Keziah bets that I'll drop it soon but Imma prove her wrong!

Until I drop it... :/

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

Hello. Currently typing this from my mum's new IPad. I find It extremely redundant though... Kinda useless to me... Hmm

Anyway, today was a pretty satisfactory day. I got an A for DNT, though a low A(72%), I'm still contented. Thankfully the test was mostly written but I got full marks for the drawing part as well! Mwahaha to the people who said I couldn't draw(my sec1 art teacher), in your face! *shoves paper into her face* I do miss my art teacher, Mdm Lim though. She was kind enough to help me though I was useless in art D: thankfully art is over and all I have to deal with now is DNT! *wipes sweat off forehead*

I'm really glad that tests are really over, until next Thursday, which is English formal letter test. Meh, I have no problems with writing, I guess it's the compre that kills me): I feel that I can relax now :) finally I can just go to sleep without worrying about upcoming tests. The happiness is short lived though, tests are coming in another 2 weeks. *sad face*

Another thing happening in 2 weeks... NDP! hehehe I'm quite excited to march and simply just get it over and done with so I can get my Saturday's back. I'll surely miss everyone(but Brian) though... Sigh. But I'm sure I'll see all of them at FD Com! Which will prolly be reallyyyyyy awkward :/

Oh and i got a new phone today! The HTC Sensation. Chanel ma'am introduced the phone to me and convinced me to get it. It's actually not that bad of a phone, minus The fact that I spent 1 hour figuring out how to charge it... When I did finally figure it out, the battery level was at 9%, oh boy I hope I didn't screw the battery up :/

I'm getting cramps typing so I'm gonna stop here. I apologize for the mundane post, my mum was reading as I typed most of this post :/

Test results

Gah. The only thing I hate more than tests is the receiving of test papers. That panic moment when the teacher says that the class didn't do very well or that you yourself did badly. Gosh. Thats the worst feeling a student can get I guess. And that sweaty-palms-heart-racing moment when you overturn your test paper when its returned. GAH! I hate test results.

Anyway the moment had to come, and I have received almost all my test results. With the exception of Literature(gulp) and DNT(double gulp). The results were meh. Okay I guess. I've done better before, but I'm sorta satisfied. Satisfactory is never enough though. As I have learnt. You need to feel that sense of ego-ness and pride that you get when you know you are in the top 10 kinda thing. Its the only way you feel like you've actually accomplished something. Sometimes your definition of Good marks is someone else's definition of bad marks!

I once chatted with this Sec 4 who told me his personal grading system. Anything below 70 was an F9 and an A1 was 85 and above. I think I should adopt his system soon. It's practical.. I guess. I hate getting anything below 70. It just looks out of place. Meh. I think I aim too high and when I do not meet my expectations I crash and burn and just feel like crawling into a hole and dying.

Anyway, I realise that I'm a slacker. Man, I come home and tell myself I'm gonna do all this work and in the end, here I am at 10.50, with homework and research undone. Have I mentioned it's graded?! I feel so lazy and slack now. I should just slap myself and tell myself to wake up, like WAKE UP GRACIA ITS SEMESTER 2 AND ITS STREAMING! DO YOU WANNA GO INTO A BAD COURSE?!! Yeah. I wish someone would do that. (Reader, this does not mean I want you to slap me)

The thought of Streaming kinda scares me actually. I used to think "Oh I'm in 2F, everyone else is below me" and now I've come to realise that people CAN step all over you and rise above to the top if they want to! And they are! As charmaine would say, HOLY MAMA! Hahaha I need to get my priorities(i spelled it as prirorities at the start :O) straight! This is all talk but no action~ Theres this chinese cheng yu for this!! I learnt it in Sec 1! But i forgot! Gah I think this is why I am not doing very well for Chinese.

I wish I was smarter. I do believe that intelligence is somewhat linked to how well you do. I mean, hard work does play a big part I'm sure, but some people are just smarter! They get things faster and apply them quicker and stuff. You know what I mean? Wish I was one of those people.. ):

Anyway, the only thing to look forward to tomorrow is Council Duty. Punctuality is really fun! Specially when you close the back gate in people's faces and they have to walk all the way to the front gate and get booked. Heh heh heh. I know I sound sadistic. :P NOT looking forward to triple Chinese AND DNT periods. Gah hope I don't fall asleep during DNT! It's so dry and boring. I'm truly not a technical person and probably never will be.

Live long and prosper dear reader

Life is a mystery

I haven't typed a post in a very long time I realise! Shall attempt to revive this blog. Anyway the only person who knows this blog exists is Leonard Sir. Leonard sir, if you are reading this, i expect you to keep these things to yourself :)

Anyway, in line with my blog post title, this post is gonna be about Life. Or at least, Life so far. I truly miss my childhood. Gosh, before I get all sappy, I do not mean something like "I miss Primary School, where the hardest decision was which eraser to choose". Thats bullcrap. Cause everyone knows Primary School was full of cliques and being left out and all that nonsense. And my Childhood was less than ideal as well. Well, I miss the times where I could sleep late and not care about the next day, where I could wake up to my mum stroking my hair. I think the stroking hair bit is my fondest childhood memory. I wish I could go back to that. I don't even mind going back to CHIJ, though it was a hellish rollercoaster ride.

To clarify, it's not like I detest Fairfield, I don't. In fact, I think its a wonderful school with amazing people. But as we grow up, we realise that life can't be that simple and things get complicated. Life gets more hectic and before you know it, you're caught in the whirlwind of assignments, projects, tests, competitions, trainings and everything inbetween. I feel like its a cycle, like a diamond chain that I can't break free from. I don't really know why I used diamond as an analogy but its the hardest thing on earth so yeah. I find little time for myself and when I do relax, I feel extremely guilty and I go back to studying.

Another thing I hate about growing up is competition. Gosh, theres so much competitiveness in the air that its suffocating. People in my class act like they don't care about tests and everything is just fun and games, but its all a facade. People really are competitive and I've found that As are just not good enough. I've always been contented with whatever I recieve for tests, as I know I've tried my best. Yet somehow, in an environment like this, nothing is ever good enough. For the difference between you and someone else who both got the same number of As can be anywhere from 10 to 40 positions in the level. Thats how competitive it is. I don't necessarily strive for the top, that'll be over ambitious. I know my boundaries but I do want to feel that sense of pride when I know that I'm above someone else. Sounds selfish and you're probably thinking "What a hypocrite, says she's contented but wants to be above everyone else". Yes, maybe I am a hypocrite, but I'm sure thats the mindset of many people as well. Maybe that's not the correct mindset to have, maybe I should strive for the top and not settle for anything less. But that'll turn me into a robot and I have no idea what I'm typing anymore. This is all a rush of words thats spilling from my brain.

Another thing I detest is pressure. Peer pressure grows as we grow older, its directly proportionate. Hahaha did you see my reference to math? I am turning into a true geek. I enjoy following rules. Rules give me a sense of security and stability. Like as long as I follow these set of rules, I'll be safe. Not that I'm a mindless soul who follows blindly, but I do enjoy following rules. Yet, peer pressure begs to differ. I mean, what's so bad about rules? They're there and theres really just nothing wrong with following them. Why do people purposely enjoy flouting the rules? I get the phrase "Rules are meant to be broken" But I don't necessarily agree with that statement. Maybe I AM turning into a mindless soul. Gosh.

Have I mentioned that I made it into the Student Council? I find it ridiculous, the expectations set by teachers just because you're a councillor. Please, just because we're in Student Council doesn't mean we're model students. We're learning as well. I also cannot stand it when teachers say "Oh you guys are 2F, I expect more discipline from you". Uhhh, why are you assuming that we are well behaved just because we are in the 2nd best class? Intelligence ╘ Discipline. You know what I mean? Kind of sick and tired of hearing that. Even the smartest people can be ill-disciplined. Not that my classmates are a bunch of hooligans that run around cursing profanity or anything, they're good people.

To sum this extremely long post up, I think Life IS a mystery, and we're unraveling it everyday. But at my current speed, I don't think I will discover the secrets of life anytime soon.

Stay safe dear reader, whoever you are.

Love, the mindless soul.

(I'm amazed, I typed this whole thing in 10 minutes. If only I could write this fast for Summary, maybe then I wouldn't be failing English)