Life is a mystery

I haven't typed a post in a very long time I realise! Shall attempt to revive this blog. Anyway the only person who knows this blog exists is Leonard Sir. Leonard sir, if you are reading this, i expect you to keep these things to yourself :)

Anyway, in line with my blog post title, this post is gonna be about Life. Or at least, Life so far. I truly miss my childhood. Gosh, before I get all sappy, I do not mean something like "I miss Primary School, where the hardest decision was which eraser to choose". Thats bullcrap. Cause everyone knows Primary School was full of cliques and being left out and all that nonsense. And my Childhood was less than ideal as well. Well, I miss the times where I could sleep late and not care about the next day, where I could wake up to my mum stroking my hair. I think the stroking hair bit is my fondest childhood memory. I wish I could go back to that. I don't even mind going back to CHIJ, though it was a hellish rollercoaster ride.

To clarify, it's not like I detest Fairfield, I don't. In fact, I think its a wonderful school with amazing people. But as we grow up, we realise that life can't be that simple and things get complicated. Life gets more hectic and before you know it, you're caught in the whirlwind of assignments, projects, tests, competitions, trainings and everything inbetween. I feel like its a cycle, like a diamond chain that I can't break free from. I don't really know why I used diamond as an analogy but its the hardest thing on earth so yeah. I find little time for myself and when I do relax, I feel extremely guilty and I go back to studying.

Another thing I hate about growing up is competition. Gosh, theres so much competitiveness in the air that its suffocating. People in my class act like they don't care about tests and everything is just fun and games, but its all a facade. People really are competitive and I've found that As are just not good enough. I've always been contented with whatever I recieve for tests, as I know I've tried my best. Yet somehow, in an environment like this, nothing is ever good enough. For the difference between you and someone else who both got the same number of As can be anywhere from 10 to 40 positions in the level. Thats how competitive it is. I don't necessarily strive for the top, that'll be over ambitious. I know my boundaries but I do want to feel that sense of pride when I know that I'm above someone else. Sounds selfish and you're probably thinking "What a hypocrite, says she's contented but wants to be above everyone else". Yes, maybe I am a hypocrite, but I'm sure thats the mindset of many people as well. Maybe that's not the correct mindset to have, maybe I should strive for the top and not settle for anything less. But that'll turn me into a robot and I have no idea what I'm typing anymore. This is all a rush of words thats spilling from my brain.

Another thing I detest is pressure. Peer pressure grows as we grow older, its directly proportionate. Hahaha did you see my reference to math? I am turning into a true geek. I enjoy following rules. Rules give me a sense of security and stability. Like as long as I follow these set of rules, I'll be safe. Not that I'm a mindless soul who follows blindly, but I do enjoy following rules. Yet, peer pressure begs to differ. I mean, what's so bad about rules? They're there and theres really just nothing wrong with following them. Why do people purposely enjoy flouting the rules? I get the phrase "Rules are meant to be broken" But I don't necessarily agree with that statement. Maybe I AM turning into a mindless soul. Gosh.

Have I mentioned that I made it into the Student Council? I find it ridiculous, the expectations set by teachers just because you're a councillor. Please, just because we're in Student Council doesn't mean we're model students. We're learning as well. I also cannot stand it when teachers say "Oh you guys are 2F, I expect more discipline from you". Uhhh, why are you assuming that we are well behaved just because we are in the 2nd best class? Intelligence ╘ Discipline. You know what I mean? Kind of sick and tired of hearing that. Even the smartest people can be ill-disciplined. Not that my classmates are a bunch of hooligans that run around cursing profanity or anything, they're good people.

To sum this extremely long post up, I think Life IS a mystery, and we're unraveling it everyday. But at my current speed, I don't think I will discover the secrets of life anytime soon.

Stay safe dear reader, whoever you are.

Love, the mindless soul.

(I'm amazed, I typed this whole thing in 10 minutes. If only I could write this fast for Summary, maybe then I wouldn't be failing English)