trying my best

......
To listen to all the T-swizzle songs on RED.
It's not easy, like Speak Now, it takes time to appreciate everything.
But because I am a hungry and food deprived person, the songs just sound like whining to me.
Grrrr.

Anyhoo, I'm writing this post as a reminder to myself that I need to get my butt down to doing homework and planning devotion for cell retreat and packing for Melbourne.

GET YO BUTT DOWN TO DOING THINGS GRACIA.

So

Recently, my life has been reduced to either
A) Spending ALL my time in school
Like 9-5 or on lucky days, 8-6
Which really doesn't make me upset, it makes me busy so I don't end up doing B
Speaking of B...
B) Sitting at home watching all my favourite shows and going on the internet
I've seriously started a Sunday lazy schedule.
10.45-2.55.
3 episodes of Castle, followed by 2 episodes of Body of Proof
I'm not that much of a Body of Proof fan, mostly because I HATE this guy.
Like, HATE HIM.
Worst character ever.

Look at that ugly face.
Okay I'm being quite biased but hey, the dude is annoying, immature and just downright hate-able.
And he isn't even a villain! He's one of the good guys.
Makes me so mad.
But then again they make up by making a really nice couple of Peter (Detective) and Dani (Medical Examiner)
BUT THEN.... dun dun dun
They killed off Dani's character.
I was SO mad.
With that, I was done following Body of Proof

How can you kill her?!
RAGE.
Castle still makes me happy though, they're showing Season 2 which is my fav season so yay.
yay for staying in bed for 4 hours watching TV.
On to the internet... everyday I find new things that blow my mind.
Previous blog post was about my new found interest in Victoria Secret Models (Perfectionnnn)
Now I've found a new interest!
Food bloggers.
Like, how amazing is it to just bake food, take photos and blog about it?
Uhhuh.
And all this baking is making me want to bake too!
Except I have to remind myself that I cannot bake, and I will never be able to.
/insert sad face/

Anyhoo, another exciting part of my life is that Council Camp is tomorrow!
I don't know if I'm excited or not
I haven't packed anything and I'm prolly one of the most unenthusiastic campers around
I just want to stick my tongue out and be like..
LET ME SLEEP IN.
I haven't touched any of my holiday homework either, except my emath worksheet.
I got on pretty alright till I got to coordinate geometry
and I'm the (self proclaimed) queen of that.
There has never been a Amath practice paper/EOY paper that I've done that I haven't gotten full marks for coordinate geo.
BUT THEN.
Emath, everything wrong!
I got so frustrated cause I checked and I was right and the answer sheet was wrong
Making me feel that the answer sheet wasnt credible at all
SO WHAT IF ALL MY OTHER ANSWERS WERE WRONG?!
That sent me into a flurry
And i decided not to touch Emath anymore
And seeing that it is the least complicated homework,
I foresee I won't be touching homework for awhile.

Anyhoo that's all for now folks,
need to pack for council camp and find something to wear for Farewell.
Whoop dee do

Life's too short to even care at all wo-ah-o

Okay, I don't know how to spell 'woah-ah-o'
But the title comes from a song called Cough Syrup by Young the Giant (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF5uvXV93hw)
Darren Criss covered it and it's a good cover as well! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdfuhAoA_9M)
And no, it isn't about a someone addicted to Cough Syrup!
Which reminds me, in Health Education in primary school, the textbook had a cartoon or a drawing of this boy who hid under the table and under his umbrella (Yeah, totally not gonna get caught bro) drinking his cough syrup and he was licking the spoon HAHA.
Ok now that I think about it maybe there was something fishy going on.
As fishy as a fish on a leash

(Found on tumblr)

Anyhoo! I'm in a particularly good mood nowadays, holidays are here and though there are many stressful things such as council camp and journ camp coming up, I'm pretty happy.

This type of mood

Anyhoo I hope you'll continue reading cause well, whenever I blog hop it's not always interesting to read someone's life when they are happy. Ya know what I mean? They have to write really emotional stuff and make you feel all the feels before they get you reading. An example would be Blackology, which is a Twitter account made by this dude who lives in Singapore who has tons of problems and all the girls tell him that he is telling them exactly how they feel and everything. It's quite touching really (not). He's like their saviour. Anyway yes he has a blog as well that writes all these feelings. So this isn't one of those blog posts, but I'll attempt to update on my life thus far!

Birthday
It was quite the lovely day actually
I mean I wasn't expecting so much but there was
A) Cake, which no one has ever bought for me b4.

All the feels.

B) A lovely gift from Claire which made me tear (More on that later)


C) Just the company of friends who constantly amaze me that I even have them and they love me the same

Friends who don't mind if I walk around my house in PJs and wet hair


Can you call us a clique? My 'clique' of friends who are absolutely lovely :3


Qt junior Kristine and Evan in the background. Yes, I'm thankful for Evan too. He wished me and was pretty nice about it! Also, asian eyes alert!


ew. Just kidding, love these two <3 p="p">
D) Leonard sir and Chanel Ma'am



The day was so perfect with them, from Thai Express to Ice kating to Ben and Jerry's at Dempsey.
Constantly feel loved around them.
Second parents? Sort of.

E) Sogurt

No birthday can be complete without Sogurt. Yes? yes? YES.


Love sogurt.
and you also lah Claire.
Her (your) gift totally blew my mind and I was pretty much bawling at night to myself when I watched the youtube videos. Love Claire so much :')

F) Church!
My lovely cell members got me a cake and a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY balloon! When I was sec 1 whenever the Sec 4s did that for their friends I always thought, "maybe one day someone will get that for me" AND SOMEONE DID. #cheapthrills
They made me tie it to my bag and everything. #livinthedream

Overall, it was a lovely birthday. Constantly blessed by people who love me :)

Results 
Exams came and go, with serious anxiety in between and self doubt.
It all worked out and all the hard work really did pay off I guess!
#smugmoment Everyone was complaining about their results on Twitter but I was really happy!
Of course I didn't post anything like "ALL YOU SUCKERS DESERVED IT BOOYAAHH" or anything.
I would be beaten up.
But yes, results were good and I was thankful.
Totally a moment to use this GIF:


Just have to work towards O levels now I guess.
Can't be complacent. :S

Red Cross Bazaar 
So what's the perfect way to spend your time after exams?
Volunteering! :D
It was a very epic event, with food EVERYWHERE and nice foreign people everywhere.
Do you think it's weird that the thing that excited us most was not the food, BUT THE SHIRT?
We have been waiting so long to finally be Red Cross volunteers.
Imagine our spazzing.

We were very excited.

Other highlights include pissing the French Ambassador off and then taking a photo of her flag just to make her mad


Getting temporary tattoos:


Americans are ridiculously nice. We definitely need more of them in Singapore.


Overall a good good day. By far the best CIP so far. And i've been to A LOT.

Other unrelated nonsense 
Which I'm sure you're excited about!
I've decided on my new planner for 2013! After an hour of deliberating online between 3 choices, I've decided! (Yes this is what I do in my free time) 



Jie owns the 2011/2012 ones and they are adorable and after much thinking so I've decided! #girlyproblems

I've also decided my new pencil case!



!! Isn't it lovely? I've seen it in real life and it CAN fit my pencils and stuff and it can also work as a clutch to keep my phone etc.
Such excitement.

Also today I spent my time looking up models. Do you know how beautiful they are.
A) Karlie Kloss


Basically she's the real life tumblr girl we never were.
And she's really cute too! Watched 1/2/3/4/5 interviews of her.
B) Behati Prinsloo


Pretty much. She's african as well!
Mean girls reference: If you're african, why are you white?
I don't know either, but she's beautiful!
C) Coco Rocha
Last one I promise, before your self esteem gets completely crushed.


She's not afraid to look ugly! I like.

Self esteem=ruined. Just kiddin,




Oh did I blog about Harry Potter?!?!! I think not!

HP Exhibition
It was good. Almost as good as 

Swagrid.
I mean it was a tadddd bit awkward at the start with Junyi Ma'am and GY sir seeing they were like totally glued together in the front with Alvina and I at the back but it was all good after lunch.
Lunch consisted of us discussing the use of polar bears and pandas (Junyi ma'am would eliminate polar bears from existence if she could cause she says they're useless but she adores pandas!) and clubbing and their first experiences.
Quite an eventful lunch.
Then we went for the exhibition, which was also lovely.

Cue the awkward smiles!
We also took some funny shots in front of the posters.

Classic.

Our favourite movie. Yeah Junyi ma'am, go and look perfect while we are fan girling over the poster.

Our Chocolate frogs!

Terrible beans make hilarious videos of us cringing while eating them.
Rotten egg was by far the worse. *shudder*

Yes. That's pretty much a sum up of my life thus far.
Hope you enjoyed the long post Claire! (I accept that you are my only reader, it's ok)
If you reached this far, BRAVO!


See y'all(you) soon!

growing tired

Well, exams are drawing near (8 days!)
Been studying more and more, which equals to less time spent at home, which equals to insensitive and unnecessary comments made by my mum.
It's getting very frustrating when all she can ask me if I am trying to 'prove' that I am 'hardworking' by coming home late, or that I am trying to 'hint' at something whenever I talk to her.
In her defence, she is probably flippant with her words, but it's really getting to me
To the point I don't even want to talk to her anymore.
Rlly mum, if you wonder why I don't talk to you, and you think I have an attitude problem,
think a little?!?!

In other unrelated news, SO EXCITED FOR SATURDAYYYYYYYYYY.
Leonard Sir and Chanel Ma'am, haven't seen them in sooo long and it's going to be a wonderful birthday :>

when you try your best but you don't succeed

Farewell is this Friday
All the planning comes to this friday
Pretty excited for all the fun stuff lined up and to see the juniors and seniors enjoying themselves.
Detesting the Handover though.

I've relatively gotten over it alrd, but it still hurts this part of me everytime I think about it.
I still get very upset and angsty over it sometimes, and I try my best to push it far far away from my mind
But sometimes, you can't help but just get disappointed/sad/angry/frustrated/self-loathing once again
Maybe tonight is one of those nights again.

Happy farewell.

typed a long post but to sum it up,

I only care about the glory and I only want what I can't have cause I like to chase after things that everyone else is chasing after and I can't be satisfied.

Thanks mum.

keep your eyes open

Wow, can't believe the Sec 4s are stepping down and my batch is stepping up.
When I was sec 1 and sec 2, it always seemed like everything would go okay cause the sec 3s knew everything.
But now that's US!
Especially worried for JTC.
6 batches of seniors coming back to torture us?!
Nuuuu.

Another thing is Council.
I have to start figuring out who is in Social.
Me? Social Head?! :O
I only know 3 people in Social! :/
Nerve wrecking aaaahhhh

Losing myself

I feel like I'm losing myself
Who I am, what I hold dear, what my values are.
Who am I anymore?

Worst part is acting and lashing out at friends that I hold dear and constantly whining at them
One day they'll get tired of me.

Gracia snap out of it.

At least 3 people have asked me if I'm disappointed.
Would you like me to break down in front of you in order to show you how I feel about this whole thing?

I'm somebody that I used to know.

hush now

So. Today the posts were given out (somewhat).
Alvina is chair, keziah and charm are vice chair.
Not really sure how I feel about it.
At first it was like.. ._.
but now i'm more chilled i guess.

View point 1:
WTH why them and not me do I not put in the same amount if not more effort than them do I not deserve this less than them? Charmaine will just be a dictator and alvina a control freak while keziah the "i dont care" type.
View point 2:
YAY! So happy for them, Alvina has wanted the post of Chairperson since the start of this year and I'm really happy for her! So what if I didn't get it, its not about positions at all Gracia! It's about the impact you leave on your juniors (:

The 'right' attitude would be view point 2 right. But it's all a joke you see. Just a facade. No one really really doesn't care about positions and is just a happy lark. That's all bullocks. No matter how "I don't care about this!" you say, you really do care.

Do I want to sound like a whiny girl who doesn't get what she wants and just put in all that effort just to become Chairperson? No. Does it sound that way to me? Yes. This is bullocks.

Honestly, the disappointment cuts deep. I can't lie and say I'm okay with Alvina being chair and kez and charm being vice. It hurts. Am I in any way inferior to them? I hate this feeling that I have, that feeling of A) Disappointment B) Anger C) Inferiority D) Disgust with myself for even feeling this way and being so superficial.

That tiny part of my brain tells me "So what Gracia, suck it up" while the other part is screaming "be sad for once! Be depressed, be angry. Who gives a shit anyway! They don't like you anyway!"

Maybe for once I'll listen to the screaming voice I try to oppress whenever something bad happens.

I ain't even gonna lie. Unappreciated and forever inferior. That's life.

ohmygoshhh

History memorised, RCY stuff all ironed out and all by 7:10!

All i have to do now is read Lit and memorise quotes and shizz and im done for the day! Yeeehaawwwww

This is amazing first time this week I'm not panicking.

Might even have time to pack bag for Thailand! Hurhur

pretty much how i feel right now :')

my head is mush

mush is my head

i can already feel the exhaustion that is going to come like a tsunami.

watched a documentary of it and it scared the heebeejeebeezz of out me.

gracia you got yourself into this, get out of it!

okay, quit everything hurhur

i can now safely add Church to my list of leadership commitments. Yipeeeee

In tsunamis, the initial wave is low and receding, which led people to think it was safe to come out. After that, the huge wave just rushed in and killed everyone cause the first wave created a smooth layer for the second to cause mass destruction.

Currently going through the initial wave.

-spaazzzz-

yellow diamonds in the sky

Sunday night, monday tomorrow :<

Looking forward to wednesday! :D

5 tests this week, then chem next next week and tests are over (Thank God)
Quite excited for Thailand :D

This post is for my darling spoon, Claire (:

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ROAARRR

other than..

i love you :D

I just had a realization.

What am I doing with my life?

All I live for is studying and slogging through school as I study hard for tests.

Do the tests, get them back, get grades, what's next?

Shouldn't teenage years be the best of your life?

What happened to YOLO? (You only live once)

My life revolves around CCA and School.

Not even God. CCA has taken over my Saturdays.

How many times can I say I have been to cell/service this year?

Feel so flustered now.

Every weekend is spent either A) Studying for tests or B) CCA

Isn't life supposed to be fun and free?

I need to live.

Like truly live.

Go out and live!

/rage/

/aahhh/

Bio test and lit test tmorrow but im like ah meh.

3 lists of three things

3 things I should be doing:

1) Bio notes

2) Reading up SS

3) Studying in general

3 things I'm doing:

1) Watching HIMYM

2) Eating

3) Relaxing

3 consequences of slacking

1) Doing mediocre-ly for everything

2) Feeling guilty and making a list of 3 things

3) Eating more out of guilt.

When people are not online I get nervous I mean what if they are studying and I'm not?! Ha.ha.ha.

Off to study Bio. For realzzz nowww (or later)

good golly

So. Today I had a near death experience and it really scared me.
Firstly, how scary asthma can be and secondly, how fragile life can be :/

Le sigh.

I think I really have a thing for puppies. And kittens. And all things fluffy and cute.

I can't even. I really need to hug all of them!!! *cuteness instincts on*

Camp was okay, I think the main thing I've learnt is.. it's not about getting things done fast enough and on time.. it's about caring for your batchmates and not being selfish. Things can go well but if the process of getting there was filled with sloppy and selfish behaviour then the whole thing is a flop! Yupp. That's LTC in 4 lines. Hurhurhur.

Mum's buying KFC for dinner. I could eat a cow at this point.

Speaking of cows, when they changed the hike venue to Sentosa, Sam the qtpi exclaimed "WE CAN'T GO TO SENTOSA! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE OUR PASSPORT. FOOOLS!" and then I looked at her and said "Dear, you know we dont need a passport right?" "Wait.. where's sentosa again?" she's about the cutest qt pi you'll ever meet :')

Rescue Mission went great, our route was great and everyone's morale was up. But as said, the process of getting there and everything was kind of filled with selfish behaviour and thus everything negative overpowered the positives.. :(

NEVER MIND. People develop from the negatives! :D

Really thankful for people like Charm who really cared when I was at my vulnerable state and she tried real hard to comfort me. Love you charm though you'll never read this. :')))) Really glad to have Claire too for accompanying me before camp and buying water. I love you spoooooon(:

Hospitalised and out alive all in 1 day. Exciting day :)

i wish i was an elephant

Then i could stomp over all the mean people in my life.
Ha.ha.ha just jokkkinnng (no really)

So, term 1 is over. march holidays are here!
Isn't it strange, it's been 10 weeks with 3B and I feel no difference from when I first stepped in.

Okay maybe new friendships have been formed but nothing more than the superficial level.

However, I feel that with 2012, I can count on more people? Learnt who is my friend and who isn't.

You woud think once you leave a girls' school, drama is over. LIES.

Theres a drama club here too!! Hahaha (that was a jokeee)

I think I've gotten quite close to Alvina and that is lovely to me :]

We even have monthly dates at Holland V now! Ka chinggg

I've also gotten closer to Claire, which is also lovely. Double lovely.

Record number of times having meals in one week: 4! Insaneeeee.

But somehow, i don't feel that icky feeling of being with someone for too long

Everytime I hang out with her it's always fun and full of nonsense yet we're able to have serious convos as well. I love you dear! :]

Currently explaining Girl world to ginyong HAHAHA

In girl world... I feel like I'm in mean girls hurhur

Anywaaayyy.. studies wise.

Lots of Bs, only gives me motivation for Term 2?

At least I have more than 1 A! Ha.ha.ha.

Top 3 huggers of ma life:

1) Claire (oh yeah)

2) My dad

3) My Mum

I think my parent's love for hugs have stemmed MY love for hugs hurhur

My future spouse has to love hugs, if not we can't be together. I won't be able to survive! haha

Very all over the place post but in short: term 1 has been a whirlwind and I hope term 2 is like a ferris wheel. Going slow but steady but still going. :>

bloop bloop

Today was a great day. Woke up feeling all cheery and bright, thinking, 'LAST WEEK OF TESTS!'

And then it rained. Ha. Dramatic irony? I think so.

Had my emath test today... it was okay. I think I've never experienced that feeling when you find yourself lost for time and you're scrambling to write everything as fast as possible; except for today. (and the previous Amath test). Did I also mention I have a beautiful new Emath teacher?

My friend Kelda found her modelling for this blogshop. SHE COULD VERY WELL BE ONE! Okay the photo isnt the best, her cheekbones are really high and she puts blusher on the right places and dayum, Alvina and I are totally pedo-ing on her. Hahaha.

Wonder what it's like to be as beautiful as her heh.

Anyway off to read The Hunger Games! Then do some Amath and then Chinese. :>

Last week of torture before the holidays and then more torture during LTC Camp! huzzah

its to wise men, i want your formula of time

Hello!

A whirlwind of things have been happening recently.

For the first time this year, I can say time is passing really fast.

Within a couple of months, we'll be taking over and be Unit Leaders!
And Ryan will step down and Rebecca and I will be taking over Journ

ANDDD Claire(Hi dear!) will be stepping down and a new Exco will rise up.

Isn't it scary? I find it really scary

Especially with expectations. :/

It's so easy to step up and assume all the power but with it comes great responsibility and damn I honestly do not want to take over.

Especially if it means I end up like the very seniors I loathe.

Gablargh I wish I was a still a sec 1, not leading them D:

Anyway I passed my 3rd Gold on saturday! Huzzah!

Going to Campsite waaaayyyy tooooooo often. D:

Anyway this is a chirpy post hohoho (see what i did there claire)

Sis is shooo-ing my off the com. Personal post next time :)

little miss perfect little missed too

hello!

I had a lovely dinner with Claire at a not so lovely little Macdonalds at SP

Realised today, what is the venom we speak is the venom thats spreads and is the very venom that stings us? (I hope you get the overuse of the word Venom :O)

Anyway, my back hurts like qwlqnvonvorwbrobrw and my hand blisters are like asjvnb pain. :(

I guess its all worth it, 12 days left to FAC! Exciting(No not really)

Looking back at posts on FDC, and how I was so hesitant about it then we won, I hope that hesitant(ness) brings forward to FAC! Hahaha I think the more confident you are the harder you fall :/

I feel really mushed up about results and subjects and school.

So much responsibility and so much things to do and so little time and arghh can't wait for FAC to be over then I can study :< (What a nerdd)

But I'm real determined to do well this year. It's not a year to slacken off :/

Chapel tomorrow! Hope I don't fall asleep. Urgh sleepy X 1000 now

Time to do some Amath then Chem then sleep. Oh wait and Chinese now. *groan* CHINESE.

The bane of ma existence yo. :(

delicate string of pearls

Hello! :)

I'm feeling particular perky tonight.

Finished Amath homework and only left with ORCA! *grin*

Amath makes me feel accomplished, like my whole education life has not been for nothing and that I'm actually smart. #likeanerd

4 tests next week. Life's getting hectic and I'm real worried for Lit.

My in contempt teacher only started worrying today. Oh no.

Anyway I'm zonked out today (Zzzz)

So i'll blog more tomorrow!

Excited about this weekend.

It's gonna be a good one :]

day 1 of lurking

I feel like going to the beach and lying in the sea and float away.

Should probably start revising bio/lit/Amath/SS but eh.

Day 1 of lurking was okay.

I've decided that I should be focusing more on nurturing my buddy and bringing her out of her shell more than anything else.

Will make a more conscious effort to leave house earlier to meet her at the door :>

Show her I'm a good buddy :)

Happy she got 'serious' with me today (Ironic if you don't get it haha)

Hope tomorrow she'll be more confident as we start doing MY class.

Will slowly start asking her out for dates to get to know her more than on the superficial level

Really hope she's enjoying Council thus far. :')

Anyway! Studies wise, it's been okay so far.

It's lovely sitting next to Alvina with Kelda and Jasmine in front and Theodora and Ya min at the back.

Feel happy that people around me are so nice :>

Specially Alvina. She's been SO nice recently and it's so warming.

Specially when she bought me tissue after recess when she saw me sniffing like a weirdo during Chinese.

Have to get her something over the weekend for her nice-ness. :]

This is a stark difference from the previous post but I realised today that bad things happen and shit happens but what defines us is how we rise after we fall.

In summary of this blog post, I've decided to be more positive and focus on the important things in my life right now eg. My buddy rather than what people in Council think of me and change my thinking and personality(tweak it like a knob on a big machine).

Day 1 of lurking = success. :]

Okay I should probably go revise some stuff before the guilt of slacking consumes me.

they scream, the worst things in life come free to us

So a couple of things have been happening so far, and lately I've been feeling like someone's been going inside of me and taking a pair of scissors and cutting the strings of my heart one by one and I'm slowly sinking in the dark depths of my insides.

Is it bad to assume the best in people? Assume that everyone is really who they are on the outside and behind their glittering facade they don't whisper other assumptions to other people. Maybe assuming anything out of anyone(good or bad) is really making an Ass out of U and Me.

In their defence(I think swords and armoury), maybe I should stop being this or that, or maybe I should stop trying to want to be liked so much. /if my porcelain white teacher were here, maybe she would critic my use of maybe/

It would be selfish to assume(har har) that I'm perfect that it's other people who hate on me. ('hate on me' plays in the background) I think that I should be more socially aware and sensitive? A part of me goes 'what good would that do? People already hate you'. True subconscious Gracia. I think it's more of the effort than anything? Maybe trying to be different will help. Yes. I will be different! (This sounds more of convincing myself to change).

I wish I could disappear(No I'm not suicidal). Maybe restart school as a clueless lil' sec 1. That would be lovely.

It's too cold outsideFor angels to flyAngels to fly To fly, flyFor angels to die